Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Lunch: A True Story

Today is gorgeous here in Dallas. I mean, off the charts gorgeous. Sunny, 75 degrees or so. I'm wearing these nice white pants (yes, a week before Memorial Day...lay off me!) and just feel spring is in the air.

A pal of mine who called me earlier to rub in the fact that he was at the Byron Nelson and not, in fact at work, suggested that for lunch I take a stroll through downtown.

Excellent idea.

Off I go by myself to lunch. Now, I really don't mind eating lunch by myself. I obviously prefer to hang with my friends but today I was solo. I picked up a newspaper and was ready to settle in for lunch.

I find a restaurant that serves my all time favorite--the crab cake sandwich. I'm sitting outside, crab cake sandwich is coming, wind is blowing softly, all is well.

Crab cake arrives. Crab cake comes with steak fries. Steak fries need ketchup. Can you guess where this is headed?

So, I grab the ketchup, turn it over and WHAM! Ketchup pours everywhere. All over my plate, all over my new cellphone and that's right, all over my nice white pants.

Suddenly, I noticed that EVERYONE was staring. People in the restaurant, the giant group of people walking back to their offices on the street. It was as if someone knew this was going to happen and said, "Hey everyone! This is gonna be GOOOD!!!"

Suddenly, I felt completely aware that I was utterly alone. If I had friends with me, I would have laughed so hard I would pee. Alone? I wanted to just crawl under the table.

The song in my head went from my happy "I'm Eating a Crab Cake" song to "All by myseeeeelf, don't wanna be..."

Oh, did I mention that I still had to make the five block trek back to the office in my ketchup pants?

Yeah me!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I, Robot

Confession Tuesday on a Wednesday! I was on the phone very late last night and just was too tired to write. So, here I am tonight!
Hello all! I can't believe what a week it was last week! It seems like such a blur. When the nurse called to give me the news, I was in a state of shock.

It went something like this:

Nurse: "Kristi, Eva's tumor is stable. That means no growth which is great news since we are so far out of treatment and we have not seen any growth at all since round 2 of chemo!"

Me: completely monotone. "I see. Ok. Well, what are our next steps? Do we just have her port removed? When do we need to be seen again?"

Nurse: Silence. Then, "Um. Let me check"

Nurse: "Doctor says yes, take the port out"

Me: Silence.

Nurse: "Kristi?"

Me: Sobbing full throttle. No words coming.

Nurse: "Are you ok? Are you happy?"

Me: Still sobbing.

This goes on for a few minutes. Finally, I apologized for my inability to communicate. Hung up the phone and had a similar conversation with Jon.

My awesome co-workers came out of the restaurant where we were having lunch. I could not stop crying long enough to even tell them what was going on. I was just in shock.
The fact is, I absolutely felt with 100% certainty we were not going to get that news. I knew that no matter how much I hoped and prayed that Eva for SURE had a return of her cancer.

It is strange. I NEVER talk like that. But, the fact is that Eva had been having those random otherwise benign symptoms for several months. Combine that with the slightly rising cathecolemines and I knew we were in for trouble. I just could not believe the news.
I was completely mortified when I came to my senses that anyone other than Jon saw me cry. I don't know why I'm such a freak when it comes to that but I AM! I have said this before but I absolutely cannot stand PDE (public displays of emotion). My job is to be happy all the time. That is my comfort zone. Happiness.
When I interviewed for my current position, they asked me to take this online personality test, basically. You have to rank these random things and somehow it tells you what kind of person you are. My test could not have been more accurate if I had filled it out, myself.

What is interesting about it? It talks a lot about my focus on being unemotional and incredibly focused on my work. How it can tell that by my choosing between a taco and a baby panda is beyond me.

My pal and I were comparing ours the other day and we just decided that I was basically a robot with no feelings.
The weird part of it all is that nothing makes me happier than to cry in a movie. I don't care WHO hears me! Jon tells a hilarious story (well, it's hilarious when he tells it) about me watching Whale Rider. Holy crap. That's the mother load of sobbing movies. I just could not control myself. It felt great. Maybe that's my problem. I hide behind fiction and not reality for my emotional release. Hmmm, time for therapy!
Between having a bit of a tough week at the office (nothing major, just tough) and the Eva worry, I was a complete zombie on Friday afternoon. A friend of mine would say that it looked as if someone tripped on my cord and I just became unplugged from the wall. (hmm, more robot references??)

Earlier in the week, my awesome pal, Rhonda, offered to take care of the kids on Friday night so Jon and I could go out. Post-Eva news/tough week, I was absolutely dead and just wanted to sit on the couch and stare at the wall. But, since my awesome pal, Rhonda, offered to take care of the kids and Jon really wanted to go out, I knew I had to rally.

To the rescue? My also awesome co-workers who took me across the street for a quick celebratory shot of tequila. That will fire you up for the night!
On Friday night, Jon and I went to Neighborhood Services. This place is terrific. Not only is the food good but they make a drink at the bar called a Slazenger 1. Let me tell you, it is so good, it will make you slap yo mamma!

SLAZENGER 1: Pimms Number One 9/Square One organic cucumber vodka/basil/ cucumber/ red grapefruit/hand charged seltzer

Three of those later, I was really fired up and ready for the night!
Spent most of the rest of the weekend sleeping (not hungover, actually, just sleeping). It rained all day on Saturday so it was the perfect day for me to just sleep and sleep. I was so grateful to Jon for keeping the kids away so I could rest my brain.
That's about it. I'm having a good week at work this week, though! All is brighter. I think that for once, I will allow myself to feel good about where Eva is. At least for now, it's time to celebrate and enjoy the summer. We'll deal with the next MRI news in September.
One final note of the night and it has only to deal with my television watching.
1) Very sad Gilles did not win Dancing with the Stars. Shawn was fine but Gilles really deserved it.
2) I'm so very beyond words excited about The Bachelorette's return. I love me some Jillian! I just hope these guys aren't the tools they appear to be. Who are we kidding? Of COURSE they are! If you watch the show, you have to check out Lincee's blog. She writes a recap of the show each week and has for many seasons. She is hilarious!!!
3) Rescue Me and My Boys are having the greatest seasons this year. Laugh out loud funny. Both of them. If you are not watching these shows and have a rather bawdy and off-color sense of humor and are not easily offended, well, you've come home to your shows. If you are easily offended, please let me formally apologize for anything and everything that comes out of my mouth/hand.
4) I don't watch Idol. But, I do usually watch the last couple of episodes to see who won. Having absolutely no emotional ties to either contestant tonight, I firmly believe that the other guy (Adam, maybe?) should have won. He was a far superior singer.

Robot Mom, signing out.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Maybe it WAS the Cheez-its!!!

Just heard from the doctor! Eva's tumor is STABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That means that there is no new growth and that tiny little smaller than a thumbnail tumor might not ever grow again! YIPPEE!

Here's what it means overall:

Our doctor appointments are now every other month. We scan again in four months.

Next week, I'll schedule Eva's port removal.


No more Cheez-its!

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Good evening all!

Just a quick post tonight. Eva has her MRI at 7am tomorrow.

I'm, of course, in panic mode.

You know, I am a very positive person. I always just think good thoughts about everything. But the fact is, when your child is sick, you just have to hope and pray all is well and prepare yourself for bad news.

Eva, of course, is just fine. Running around like a maniac. You would never know this child has ever been ill.

Her mom? Well, every time Eva sweats at night, I think it is cancer. Every time Eva has a diaper rash, I think it is cancer. Every time Eva has a slight fever, I think it is cancer.

I'm really ready for some good news tomorrow so that I can just go back to being the apathetic-non-reactive-stop your whining and suck it up- parent I once was.

I miss her.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Confession Tuesday

Well, I'm stepping into the confessional for the first time in a while.
I'm writing this while watching the semi-finals of Dancing with the Stars. Gosh, I'll miss that show when it goes off next week. What will I do on Monday and Tuesday nights??

Show is over. Sad to see Ty go home. He gave me some great soundbites, that's for sure!
I just ate my last two Girl Scout Cookies. I have been saving those treasures in the freezer for a while. So, I guess that it will be next year before I get my hands on those Samoas again. Goodbye, delicious caramel, coconut and chocolate on a crisp butter cookie. I shall dream of you until we meet again....
Speaking of dreams, I was having one the other night. I was dreaming that Jon and I were on a bed that was on a conveyor belt. Jon in his sleep was about to roll off the conveyor belt. So, I grabbed him to save him from certain death.

Well...turns out that in reality, Jon was sound asleep in our bed (not on a conveyor belt) and I pounced on him in the middle of the night to "save" him. He told me the next day that after I grabbed him, I just shot up out of bed and stared at him before he coaxed me back to sleep.

It's been a while since I had middle of the night antics but I'm sure they keep Jon on his toes.
My middle of the night antics are almost always stress related. I can't imagine what I have to be stressed about.
I love my son. I mean, honestly just adore him. Just when he drives you to insanity with his neediness and energy, he pulls something like this.

He told me that he was "King of All Butterflies" just before I took this picture.

Oh, man, do I miss New Orleans. I have to say I was pretty depressed as we left the Fairgrounds on the last Sunday. I look so forward to this vacation every single year and when it is over, it just makes me sad.
I saw some awesome music. What is amazing about Fest is how you can plan to go to one stage but pass three incredible stages along the way. It is the surprise music that makes this so fun.
For example, several years ago, I remember passing the Jazz Tent and hearing this amazing kid play a trombone. I stayed, danced, and had a great time. Well, several years later, that "kid", Trombone Shorty, was on the poster for Fest. If you ever have a chance to see him, I highly recommend it.
Let's see. Let me cover the food I ate: conchon de lait (pulled pork sandwich--to die for!), shrimp bun (a fairly new Vietnamese noodle dish that is soooo great), spring rolls from same Vietnamese vendor, crawfish sack, oyster patty, crawfish beignets, crawfish bread and, of course, crawfish monica, a JazzFest staple. I would have covered more territory but did not get to spend as much time eating as I would have liked.
Oh, man, for a brief moment, I was reunited with my boyfriend, Jon Bon Jovi. It was heaven. Yes, I'm wearing my Bon Jovi hat that I purchased at the concert. On the back, it says, "New Jersey". Awesome.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

Hello all, in Cyberland!

I've been on radio silence for a bit because I took a wonderful vacation with my family. We went to the JazzFestival in New Orleans, as I have done for the past 19 years. When I came back, I had a pretty tough week at work so I was pretty drained each night when I came home. Nothing dramatic, just a tough week.

As for the kids and the vacation, well, the kids had a blast.

I have lots of stories to tell and lots of pictures. For now, I'll just give you a brief update on what we've been doing.

Jon and the kids went to New Orleans and Miss for 10 days. Since I had my conference here in Dallas, I met them on Wed night. We stayed until Monday morning when we drove on back to Dallas.

The very second we walked in, Jon trotted off to the potty and to get a shower. I was a little miffed because I wanted him to clean out the car while we still had daylight. I went in to tell him to move it along when I noticed he was not in the shower. It was the toilet overflowing at a rapid rate. Ugh.

Well, $200 and two visits from a plumber later, we discovered that those "flushable" toddler wipes were not so flushable. Something about a "dam" effect (not a "damn" effect as I would say!)
Also breaking this week, our television! We knew it was coming, to be honest. For the last couple of weeks, when you turned it on, it would make a loud "doing" sound. Not good for a tv.

As you can imagine, Jon and I are hardly early adopters when it comes to technology. We got a DVR less than a year ago, before that, we were using vcr tapes. I bought Jon an ipod about 18 months ago and he let it sit in the box for two months before I took it and started loading in music (he loves it now, by the way). In fact, we only have one television and it was over 10 years old AND it was a gift from a friend for our wedding.

So, yesterday, I went to Best Buy just to begin the search. I am a repeat customer there, having bought my previous television from them about 15 years ago. I was like, "so, this plasma thing vs lcd? What gives?" " Um, any of these televisions going to last me 10 years because that's about my threshold."

Jon is off at the store making the final decision on our purchase. We were down to two and I'm not sure which one he decided to go with. Not that I really care, honestly, as long as it works and does not break within the next seven years, I'll be just fine.
Um, let's see, what else. Eva has her MRI scheduled for this Friday. I'm not thinking about it.
Oh, some good news! Star Trek was awesome! If you have some time, definitely check it out.
Finally, Happy Mother's Day to all my mother pals out there. I've had a great day so far. Jon let me sleep in and then made me a delish breakfast. We went out on our TV search and now, I'm just relaxing a bit while Eva sleeps and Jack attempts to not bother me. Yea, Mother's Day!

I do want to say a special Happy Mother's Day to my Mom. While I struggle to juggle two children and their activities, personality quirks/drama, and energy, somehow, my mother managed to raise eight children. I am exhausted to even think about how that is possible.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!